Happy Holidays! Home is where my heart is!

December is here, the holidays have been in full effect for over five weeks now and I have failed to have the self-awareness to acknowledge publicly just how triggering and anxiety producing this time of year can be. This blog post may not resonate with everyone who reads it, but to my fellow neurodivergent parents, I am here to tell you that you are not alone. The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, warmth, and family togetherness. However, for parents of neurodivergent children, the reality of the holidays can be far from the picture-perfect scenes depicted in commercials and movies. That simple fact does not make us a failure. It is ok to not be ok! It is ok to be anxious and nervous about how we are going to navigate what is supposed to be a happy and magical time of year when you have a child or multiple children for that matter who are neurodivergent.  

Here are some things that I have come to understand, because I truly will never know for certain as I am not a neurodivergent person, but I have immersed myself in understanding my child’s world. It has become clear to me that changes in daily routines can be challenging, not impossible but certainly challenging. We do better, I say we because anything what affects my neurodivergent children, affects our family. It is that simple. I do not isolate my children or alienate them from participating in events or family outings. I respect their boundaries and provide them with a safe space to self soothe. We face everyday challenges, and we celebrate all the wins together, as a family.  So, we do better by attending events and going to places that are familiar to my children. We can go a day or two of “no routine” as long as we have access to their preferred methods of self-soothing, we can manage to “venture” out and explore. Our different experiences are not what your typical families may look like. Going on a road trip or going hiking, going to an amusement park, all these experiences must be thought out and well thought out. There are no “last minute” adventures. So, I have come to recognize my children’s discomfort and allowing them and myself to be ok with that. 

I used to feel the pressure through the societal expectations that are put out there by my own friends and family. Who through no fault of their own, live their lives and see the world through a different lens. They say perspective is everything, with that comes a true level of power and understanding the world we immerse ourselves in. This looming wave of guilt and judgment for not fully “embracing” the festive spirit would slowly eat away at my soul. Yet nothing in this world will ever stop me from working tirelessly to put a smile on my children’s face. Their laughter is full of pure love and joy. It is like music to my soul. Embracing these challenges has been so freeing like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I finally feel like I can be present and allow myself to enjoy all that is my life. 

Now rather than adhering to societal norms, I have found it empowerment in creating new holiday traditions that cater to my children’s needs. Whether it’s a quieter celebration at home, a special sensory-friendly activity, or even a day of rest, redefining traditions have allowed us to make the holidays more enjoyable for our entire family. 

I am here to tell you that it is okay not to like the holidays and to open the door to connecting with like-minded parents who share similar sentiments. Let us embrace what is and let go of unrealistic expectations. Let us come together as a community to support each other either online or locally. In hopes of providing a space to share experiences, offer advice, and find solace in the understanding that others face similar challenges during the holiday season. 

With that I leave you with this. In a world where the holiday narrative is often one of universal joy, it is crucial to recognize and validate the feelings of parents with neurodivergent children. It is okay not to like the holidays when your child’s well-being is a top priority. By acknowledging the challenges, managing expectations, prioritizing advocacy over guilt, creating new traditions, and connecting with supportive communities, hopefully we can navigate the holiday season with authenticity and resilience. Remember, every family is unique, and embracing your own version of holiday celebrations is not just acceptable – it’s a testament to the love and commitment you have for your neurodivergent children.